#8 Montreal/Toronto/Toledo/Cleveland

Montreal...did I write about that?
It wasn't all bad- just kinda' weird. Entering into Canada wasn't as traumatic as we had built it up to be; sorta' anti-climatic. The prior night we spent in a Holiday Inn with Russian Circles and Young Widows where we were all too tired to have much of the wild time that is expected of young, wild, handsome lads as ourselves. Anyways- we slept as normal, bland, white people do and we slept late. I was the first one up and saw the Russian Circles guys off. I hung out in the lobby, reading and listening to the passer-byers talk of accounts, clients, frequent-flyer miles, and assorted other items of dumb-shit empty=headed bullshit as I read USA Today- America's favorite paper for pie charts and trivial bullshit.
I went to the restaurant and found myself to be the to be the first patron of the morning. I read a bit of "The Man With the Golden Arm" (which, with all of the excitement of late, has taken a long-ass time to pick through) before striking up a conversation with my server. She was a sweet lady of 49 from Hamburg, Germany. She told me about working in a haunted hotel in Colorado, seeing Bob Dylan in 1978, and quite a bit more. Slowly, Phantom Family Halo and Young Widow types trickled in. We had a good time, a good breakfast, and slowly collected ourselves enough to make the trip into Canada.
We stopped to clean the van thoroughly before crossing. The border station was as expected. We sat in the office and I don't think they even searched the van. As per usual, Corey had us all laughing a bit too much which probably made us look a tad suspicious. They let us in though.
We drove straight through to Montreal which wasn't too far away. Unfortunately, our GPS-less lifestyle came back to haunt us AGAIN as our Google maps directions had cut off a few steps. This resulted in us arriving at the wrong end of the street we were to be on. It was cold and snowy which added to the tension. We stopped to ask the occasional French-Canadian for assistance but they seemed to be just as confused as we were. We somehow made it.
We played a venue called Il Motore which was an alright place with awesome staff. The soundguy was very helpful and the bartenders, "Trashy" and Phillip, were great to us. Phillip was the poster child for French student culture with hip glasses and generous sideburns. "Trashy" was your somewhat common rock'n'roll bartender with tattoos and generous breasts that were not easily contained by that particular evening's choice of attire (an altered t-shirt with the collar cut out). They were both very cool though.
The opening band was called Don't Let Charles Take the Money. When I saw that on a poster I thought that it was somebody's suggestion about the who shouldn't work the door. They were an interesting 3-piece. Turns out that their singer/guitarist had quit only a week or two prior. Way to soldier on!
Our set went pretty well but was kinda' odd. We really couldn't gauge the reaction if there was one during it. A lot of people talked to me about how much they liked it. The bassist in the opening band was very excited about it and said that he was happy to see a band that wasn't so "typical" of these shows. He said he was a fan of Blue Cheer, Hawkwind, and others. He was blown away to hear that Phantom Family Halo had opened for Hawkwind.
Young Widows took the stage and kicked ass, per usual. I noticed that the crowd wasn't too motivated for their set either. Perhaps this was/is a typical Montreal crowd? Perhaps they are very laid back? Russian Circles did their thing and I detected remnants of a pulse during their set. I think alcohol had started to work its magic by then...
We stayed at Aaron R.'s place. He used to be in Sapat and lived in Louisville before relocating to Montreal. He was awesome to us, giving us a place to crash and provided Russian tea, orange juice, bread and jam, and excellent conversation the following morning. That dude rules.

We got on the road and managed to get out of Montreal without much hassle. It was a lonmg drive through the Canadian wilderness which reminded me a lot of Oklahoma. We stopped for something eat at a random exit along the way and investigated the two options of convenient store food or lunch at Subway. Dom and I went in and out of both before deciding to do a bit of both. We ate in the van and got on our way.
Just a few miles outside of town we were pulled over by a cop. He approached the van slowly with his hand on his gun. We hadn't been speeding so we were all a little baffled and nervous about why we were being stopped. Behind the officer was a guy in plain clothes who looked in through my window and looked to the cop, confirming...something? The officer asked for our ID's and our destination. We explained that we're an American band- and resisted the urge to break into song. We showed him our itinerary and the officer pretty much got cool right away, saying "This will only take a minute."
Turns out Corey recognized the guy in plain clothes from the Subway. The officer said everything was fine so we asked why we had been pulled over. He said that there had been a call about our being "suspicious characters" and that were were "behaving suspiciously" and such. He mentioned the way we had gone in and out of the store and the Subway (ignoring our purchases I guess). Weird. He said "If you collaborate with the police when this happens, everything will be fine."
(Currently, Phantom Family Halo has no plans to collaborate with the Canadian police on any such projects.)

Toronto was frigid. We loaded into Sneeky Dee's which required carrying gear up two sets of stairs. That's always a good way to get the blood going though. The downstairs food smelled very unhealthy but very delicious. I hadn't eaten since the Subway fiasco but we had a lot to do in very little time before our set. I set up the projector and people were let in right after that.
Our set was great and very well-received. Some very, very enthusiastic kids cornered me right away when I settled at the merch stand, quizzing me on pedals, influences, and such. I was given many high-fives, the international language of ass-kickedness.
Unfortunately, I began to feel very weak and rotten. I retired to the van. I should have eaten something before we played. We loaded out after the show as the blizzard was hitting. We sold more records and shirts there than anywhere else on the tour.
Neal navigated through the high winds, snow, and ice in search of a place to stop for the night. We stopped by a few hotels and they were all rasising their rates under the circumstances. We settled at a White Knights Inn at about 2 or 3am. The night guy there said "Don't make a bunch of noise."
Neal rated this as the second worst motel of the tour.

Conditions were much better the following day. We got on our way to cross back into the USA. We joked about how easy it would be to get back into the USA- that we may be asked to give the password of "McDonalds"or something- and we'd be back in. Turns out that we were kept longer getting back in than when we left. They searched the van and questioned us on how we were compensated for our performances in Canada. We were good kids and eventually released to go on to Kalamazoo............which we got the call on right after that. The show was canceled due to the weather.
We met up with Young Widows and we all went to a Days Inn outside of Toledo. We walked in to the place (after making reservations on Priceline) and it was FROZEN. Unbelievably cold. I couldn't believe that they could legally operate this way. All of the motel staff wore heavy coats and gloves. We checked into our rooms, cranked the heat, and reported to the bar. The bar was even MORE cold as there were windows everywhere. So we set at this bar in our winter coats, ordering drinks, and visiting with the hacking and coughing bartender, Debbie. Neal and I put $5 into the jukebox and discovered how limited our options were there. We ended up playing a whole lot of Rolling Stones and most of Metallica's "Ride the Lightning".
A guy came into the bar when one of those Metallica songs were on, headbanging and giving a big "hell yeah". He was decked out in some Jack Daniels apparel. He asked Neal if he knew where he might could find some Percocets(sp?). Heh.
We ordered pizza that wasn't very good and went fast. So we followed that up with an order of Chinese food. We retired to the Phantom Family Halo room, all piling in to watch "Decline of Western Civilization 2: The Metal Years". A good time was had by all though we were all asleep by 11pm.
The temperature was up and down all night. Bleh.

The following morning we got on our way to Cleveland. Turns out, ol' boy int he Jack Daniels gear was in a band called Primer 55. I think they have Louisville ties. Weird.
The drive went fast. We (Widows and Halos) all went to the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame. This was my first time and I enjoyed it. I am a sucker for things like that- seeing handwritten and drawn items by Hendrix, Lennon, Patti Smith, Talking Heads, Aretha Franklin, and on and such. Seeing clothes worn by Otis Redding was a mixed bag as I was blown away but the football-loving jack-asses next to me were laughing, not knowing who he was and asking why Zorro's costume was there. I was the last one to leave.
Goddamn goddamn it was cold outside of that place! It sits by the lake there so it was painfully cold.

We drove over to the Grog Shop and loaded in. It's a great venue and all of the staff were awesome. We all walked around, hitting up the local record and movie stores. I went to a coffee shop where I got online for a bit. A kid asked me about the stickers on my laptop. The girl working said I looked like Bob Dylan. Another girl said I looked like Tom Waits. I thought I looked like a bag of hammered dogshit- dirty and badly in need of a shave.
All three touring bands had a lot of fun visiting in the backstage area before the show. The bathroom back there had autographed tickets of some of the acts that had played there, including the Meat Puppets who played there the night after Lucky Pineapple shared the stage with them in Louisville. Cool.
Awesome dude extraordinaire, David Brooks, was there. It's always good to visit with that guy.
Our set............not so hot. We really need a soundcheck to do the current set right. I couldn't hear myself so I asked for more. I hate "talking shop" on stage but sometimes it has to go that way. After that I couldn't hear anybody else. It was rough. We skipped some songs. That kinda' sucked but I understood why.
People seemed to like it a lot and we sold some stuff before hauling nuts to load out, say goodbyes, and began a night drive back to Louisville.
Right now I am watching the battery die on this thing...................so....good night.

Patton Oswalt is our co-pilot.